


Watching & Waiting

by Shade_Nightwalker



Category: Alias Smith and Jones
Genre: M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:14:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23216107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shade_Nightwalker/pseuds/Shade_Nightwalker
Summary: Sometimes watching one’s partner and waiting for him isn’t as easy as it seems.
Relationships: Jed "Kid" Curry/Hannibal Heyes
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10





	1. Watching

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Avoca for proofreading.

I’m watching my partner as I often do. I’ve been watching him for a long time. I can’t remember anymore when I first started to do that.

He stands almost too close to me right now, both of us bellied up against the far end of the bar, cutting the trail dust.

A lovely brunette had her eyes on him as soon as we entered the half-empty saloon. The sway of her hips added a sensual swing to the hem of her skirts as she sashayed across the room. She’s standing beside him now, conjuring her professional magic on him.

We’ve been on the trail way too long and of course he’s more than open to her advances. She leans into him, coos something into his ear, something that makes him smile. That marvelous smile, that lights up not only his eyes, but the entire room – warm and infectious.

I envy her for the smile she receives, which sends searing heat through my veins despite the fact I’m not the addressee. I’m not part of the game they are playing, just an observer.

His body is starting to respond to her invitation. I see it in his eyes, in his stance – the starting flame of desire. I can’t help watching them, watching him. I know it’s only a matter of time until they’ll ascend to her room, stilling his hunger.

I’m famished, too. There’s something I feel, when he’s close to me, touches me oh so casually. It sends lightnings bolts throughout my entire body. His attitude turns me on like nothing else. But I can’t let him know. I can’t risk the damage it may cause to our partnership, to us. It’s nothing we would be able to talk about.

Talking would mean taking the chance of offending him, or making him laugh at me - I’m not sure what would be worse. I can’t take the risk. There’s just no way to go on without him. That’s not how we were meant to be. Separated. Apart. Solo. Every time we split-up we are taught that lesson again. We’re a team. Partners. Longtime friends.

My partner and the girl come to an agreement, down their drinks and make off to the staircase, ascending. On the landing he turns around again, adjusts his hat and winks at me. I answer him with a broad smile. Heavens, he looks perfect. I just wish ... I interrupt the train of thoughts leading to nowhere and return to just watching him. Watching until there’s nothing to see anymore. He won’t mind it. He’s used to feeling my eyes on him.

When they’ve gone upstairs, I return my attention to the girl beside me. Only a short time later we follow their lead. I’m taking everything the girl has to offer to allay my own hunger, knowing she’s got nothing to still my most secret need.


	2. Waiting

It sure was a pleasant evening. I’m back first in our shared room, lying on the bed on my back, arms crossed behind my head, waiting for him, knowing where he is, what he’s doing. Been there, done that, too. Despite the little distraction I found, my body already starts yearning again. The quick relief didn’t last long.

Our room is dark when he returns. I’m feigning sleep and he’s trying not to wake me as he undresses and washes up. The mattress tells me when he sits down at the edge of our shared bed, winds his gun belt around the bedpost. Not that I would need its telling. I know exactly where he is anyway. I can sense him. Always. Now he’s crawling under the blankets. I can feel him, feel the heat of his body. And I smell him. His own unique scent blended with whiskey, gun oil, perfume and sex - an intoxicating mixture.

He shifts closer, almost touching me. Almost. I would have loved to lay my arm around him, casually resting it on his hip, coaxing him a little closer until he would rest against me. Sometimes he does that when he’s sound asleep, giving me dreams about what else we could do, what we could share, making my heart race and my crotch ache.

I settle for a soft sigh instead and turn to my side, eyeing him through the curtain of my lashes. He turns around and looks at me for a moment, his eyes sparkling in the faint light of the moon. Then he smiles, smiles his incredible warm smile and breathes softly, “’night, partner.”

Then he closes his eyes, too, takes in a long, deep breath as he slips into sleep.

I lay awake, waiting, but I can’t find sleep for a long time. I can’t stop watching him, waiting for the day my shameful thoughts will fade away, knowing that day will never come ...


	3. Wanting

I lie in bed. Beside me my partner lies, fast asleep. I ought to do the same, but all I can do is pretend to. Sleep flees from me. My thoughts are preoccupied with the man beside me.

I know I’m damned.

For God’s sake - I’m in love.

I’m in love with my partner.

How could I’ve been so blind for all that time?

I feel him close to me and I want him even closer. I hear his voice and I want to hear him call my name. I look into his eyes and I want to see them responding to mine. I want to hold him and never let him go.

And I know what we have to do. We have to split up. Go our separate ways.

It’s the best for him, and heck, it is the best for me. We can’t go on like this anymore.

Yet I know we can’t part. I’ve seen us going separate ways, and not once did anything good come of it, but hurt and pain and despair. I doubt one of us will make it for more than 6 months on his own. Maybe that’s even too high a calculation.

And I don’t want to see him go. I don’t want to see him break. And most of all I don’t want to see him fall, breathing his life out in a blink, or see the light of his eyes cease forever.

I want to see him laugh again, happy and with sparkling eyes. That’s how I will always remember him: reckless, beaming with joy and lust for life.

It’s been a long time since I saw him like that. Life took it away from me - from us – the result of bad decisions, bad luck and the endless try for amnesty, which probably will never come through.

So, I lie awake, thinking of him. Wanting to stop what he does to me. Wanting never to lose what he is to me. Wanting to be with him. Punch him. Keep him. Love him.

Restlessly, I turn to my side. Simultaneously my partner turns.

We come to face each other.

Our eyes meet - and then they widen in surprise when we recognize what we see ...


End file.
